Catch You On Craigslist!
by vapid-nomenclature
Summary: Malin comes up with a plan for the Anti-Kyokugen Team: place an ad in craigslist! Will it work? Will Iori finally be able to sell his guitar? There's swearing in here. Please R&R!


***Catch You On Craigslist!!***

This is the story of the Anti-Kyokugen Team attempting to get Ryo....via Craigslist!!!

Disclaimer, KOF isn't mine. Neither is . Enjoy! I have another story I'm uploading here in a few.

* * *

Kasumi got online to check her email before she went to bed. As soon as she logged onto AIM, a familiar friend IMed her.

**Malishus4356:** wat up

**Tod'oh!:** I'm going to bed

**Malishus:** on a friday nite

**Tod'oh!:** I'm tired, okay?

**Malishus:** can i cum over

**Tod'oh!:** Malin, seriously, I'm going to bed

**Malishus:** fcuk u then

**Tod'oh!:** dammit! Shut the fuck up!!

**Malishus:** dood, I just got word on the sasa….fuck..wutev.

**Tod'oh:** Sakazaki.

**Malishus:** I sad wuteve

**Tod'oh:** okay, fine. Come over. I'll let you in through the window. I don't want to get slapped again.

**Malishus:** see u in a bit

As Kasumi expected, her friend, who imed her via a stolen Blackberry, was already up the tree to her window. "Should I be surprised??" the blue haired pajama clad young woman quietly spat. Malin, getting in through the window handed Kasumi her backpack. "Brought my laptop." Kasumi helped Malin in, and as Malin settled in, Kasumi stood akimbo, and took a deep breath. "Listen. You're going to have to use inside voices, though my mom's room is on the other side. Got it?" Malin nodded. Kasumi went to the mini fridge near the tv in her room. "Want some Dr. Thunder?" she offered. Malin snickered a little, then went, "sure, why not." Kasumi stared to figure out what was so funny. Malin didn't catch on until she noticed Kasumi standing. "What?" Malin asked sincerely. Kasumi shook it off and handed her the can. "Yes, it's off brand. So what?" Malin opened up her laptop and began typing something. "Hey, Kasumi," she asked. "Can I call you Kassie?"

Meanwhile, at Ryo and Yuri's house….

"Yuri," Robert began while at the fridge. "Want some sherbet?" Yuri, who sat on the couch, looked at her belly, then to Robert. "Nah, tryin' to keep my figure." Robert smiled sheepishly. "It's really good!" Ryo came in the room with a big smile. Yuri and Robert both noticed. Robert spoke first. "What have you done now, you dirty son of a bitch? Haha!" Ryo adjusted his shirt and then said what was on his mind. "Dude, I was on craigslist, and met this chick on there." Yuri frowned, with eyebrows arching. "King?" Robert arched his eyebrows, too. "Girls? On craigslist?" Ryo gestured his hands to reassure them. "Relax, guys. I know what I'm doing."

Yuri and Robert huddled around Ryo at his computer. "So this is craigslist…" Yuri realized, probing at the entire drab theme of the site. "You can date, sell shit on here. Everything, man." Ryo informed while clicking on the for sale section. A particular example post he read was:

* * *

Old Guitar - $50 (southtown)

Reply to: [Errors when replying to ads?]  
Date: 2009-03-17, 12:55AM EDT

Hey. Selling a goddamn piece of shit guitar. Email me.

iori

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 666666666666

* * *

Ryo stared at the posting. "Weird…." He thought. "The first link I click on, Yagami's on it." He went over to the rant and raves section. "This shit's pretty funny," he said. "You get a lot of internet tough guys on here, and everything. Haha." Yuri looked at Robert, then looked back at the screen. "Oh! Here it is! I replied to this chick. Tell me if you think this sounds hot." He clicks on the link, as Yuri puts her hand on her hip and sighs.

* * *

I've Got Moves (hcf + p)

Reply to: [Errors when replying to ads?]  
Date: 2009-03-16, 11:42PM EDT

Hey, my name's Kassie. I've got _all_ the moves. I like karate. So let's spar! ;c)

Ur pic gets mine!

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 666666666666

* * *

Ryo looked at Robert, who simply nodded. He looked at Yuri. "Do whatever you want. Like I care," she sassed her brother.

"OKAY…." Kasumi steamed. "What the FUCK did you do??" Malin could hardly hold her laughter. "I'm going to BEAT the living shit out of you!!!" Her mom beat Kasumi to it. SLAP!!! "GO TO SLEEP…NOW!!!" Kasumi rubbed her cheek and fought back tears. Then she noticed Malin. Malin wasn't laughing anymore. Mrs. Todoh held her hand as she was going to slap her, too. "Get out….now…" Mrs. Todoh demanded. "I'll beat your butt, little brat." Malin tried to avoid Kasumi's mother. "You two are TOO old for this behavior." Malin's heart was running fast. "L-look, I'm sor..ry, I'm g-g-going to leave." Kasumi's mother grabbed her by the shirt. "I know I'm not your mother, but your ass is going to be so sore when I get done with you that you won't be able to walk home." Malin trembled. "Mrs. Tod-" Malin began to protest. She instead found herself being dragged to the door. "Come during the day, or don't come over." She literally tossed the teenager out. Kasumi was still in her bedroom, heart pounding fast. "Kasumi!! You are TOO old for this. You either ACT like a lady or accept the responsibility of a child and relegate back to belt whoopings. Do I make myself clear??" Her mother's eyes were piercing through her daughter. Kasumi felt incredibly weak. She was acquiescent this time, nodding, and looking at her mother. "Yes, mother. I am very sorry. I love you."

Meanwhile, at Iori's apartment….

Iori waited as he checked his email. "Fuck…." He muttered. He looked at his guitar in the corner of the room. "I need to get rid of this piece of shit." He logged onto Facebook to check his messages. Several people wrote on his wall:

**Vice**

Hey sweets! Me and Mature are going drinking tonight. Wanna join?

**Athena Asamiya**

Youre mean :*(

**Kyo Kusanagi**

Ha yeah right purple flamer

**Chizuru Kagura**

I know you don't care. I know how you think, Iori.

**Shingo Yabuki**

hey, can you call kyo for me

**Mature**

Darling, drinks tonight. Call Vice.

**Terrance Bogard**

Okay!

**Chizuru Kagura**

Well, don't kill each other.

**Yashiro Nanakase**

I'm seriously going to kick your ass. I will find you and fuck your shit up.

Iori scowled. "Why do I fucking wander around on the fucking Internet?" he wondered, checking out an "Add friend" request. He stared for a long good while. "huh…." The person was a blue haired woman wearing a black sweater, standing next to a guy with an eyepatch. "Leona fucking Heidern….on a social networking website….now THAT'S a new one." He checked out her profile after he added her, and of course, she didn't have that many friends. He was looking around. He saw she had AIM, and her name was XcaliberX. Iori became more shocked as he kept reading through. What didn't surprise him was in the sections that asked to describe herself, she was very terse. Under employer, she elaborated here than anything else. Well, the Ikari Mercenary Agency, that was. She did mention her short stint at McDonald's. Iori began to laugh. "She deserves Employer of the Month because she takes orders. HAHA. That's pretty fucking funny." He looked through her pictures. "Man, I was so lucky to get a piece of that first timer at KOFCON," Iori chuckled. All of her pictures were very….plain. She didn't smile in any of them. She was either sitting or standing. A few pictures she was proudly holding a gun or a knife. Her profile pic, she was standing next to her dad during Christmas time. One pic, she was actually wearing makeup. One pic, she and Whip were hugging. More like Whip hugging Leona. Some pics were of Leona getting drunk with Ralf and Clark. "Dude, I want to see this chick completely wasted," Iori said out loud. Then out of curiosity, he checked his mail to see if anyone responded. He smiled. Someone did. "About fucking time."

An hour later, at McDonald's….

"Sooooo….did your plan work?" Eiji was wondering jestfully. He wasn't expecting any results. Malin glared. "I don't like your tone, mister." The ninja stared at the girl. He smirked. "I asked you a question." Malin threw her hands in the air. "Her mom almost beat me!!" Eiji eyes bulged. "Y-you see why I didn't want to go there now??" They were in line at McDonald's when the cashier called upon them to take their order. When they came up, Malin saw the cashier looked rather familiar. "Where have I seen her?" she thought to herself. "May I take your order?" the monotonous female asked. She had her blue hair through a visor in a ponytail. She stood rigid, waiting to take orders. "Ah, let's see….. The number 4 and uh, 20 piece chicken nuggets for her," Eiji ordered. Eiji knew who the cashier was. Did he care? Not really. He didn't expect the cashier to care either. He paid with his debit card. Malin noticed. "I see you got a new card," she snickered. Eiji looked at her. "Yeah, well, the others I had were put to good use. Now they're stained with blood." Malin laughed. "Yeah…uh huh…and you call yourself a ninja." Eiji turned to her. "Want me to pay for your meal or not?"

"Okay, here's how the site works," Malin was showing Eiji on another laptop that appeared to be stolen. "You make a post, and then you go to your email to publish it." Eiji was listening but two things were on his mind. One, there had to be an easier way to get back at the Kyokugen Team, and two….why was Malin using a stolen laptop in McDonald's?? "Did you get a reply yet, then? Eiji asked, again not expecting much. Malin smiled. "I did. All we need to do now is get Kasumi all dressed up. She better not blow this."

Meanwhile, at Kasumi's, she was playing Duck Hunt on her Nintendo when her mom burst into her room. Kasumi was prepared to try to counter any slaps; after all, she's the Queen of Counter. Her mom wasn't angry. In fact, she came in to ask her daughter if she would like to help her garden. "You'll become a more desirable woman if you know how to do these things, dear. Don't you ever want to be married?" Kasumi stared. "Someday….not right now…." Her mother looked disappointed. "Please don't let me down." Then the phone rang. Her mother retrieved the phone. "Residence of Todoh….who's this? Yes…….uh huh…..alright, she's right here." Her mother handed the phone to Kasumi, and headed towards the back porch.

"Hello?"

"Kasumi! Hey! It's Eiji."

"What's going on?"

"Um….listen….uh….uh…um….can you come to the….(thinking of a restaurant) the Illusion dressed your best?"

"Um…okay?"

"Malin says "look hot". Heh heh….heh."

"Wh-hat the hell's going on?"

"Well, y-you see…ahem….Malin used you as bait to- OW!! Stop it, Malin!!! Anyway, just be down at the McDonald's in an hour looking good."

Kasumi was steamed up that as she was about to punch a wall, her mother was standing right there, so she stopped herself.

At the Sakazaki residence….

Ryo was getting ready. "This is gonna be hot!!" he boasted. Yuri came out the bathroom from the shower with her long hair undone and dripping wet. She went into her brother's room to see what he was bragging about. "Be careful," Yuri was stern. "I don't want to, like, hear that you got, like, set up and everything." Ryo turned to his sister to tell her to relax when he noticed her hair was dripping on his floor. "Dude…sis…towel off your hair or something. Shit…" he griped. Then he laughed. "What, you and Robert, you know. Wink wink." Yuri didn't say a word. Then she stormed off. "Like, have fun." She said behind her.

At Iori's

Iori waited for the person who would pick up the guitar. He was on the porch taking a smoke. He looked at his phone. He noticed he got a text from Shingo. "What the fuck does he want??" He saw the message.

"_u talk to kyo lately? He's not answering my msgs."_

Iori scoffed. "I'm no ass puppet, fucktard," he muttered. He deleted it. Then, a car rolled up to the house. Then, it suddenly stopped. The person who was driving slammed the car door shut, and was walking quite fast up to Iori's apartment. Iori threw his cigarette down and stood more rigid. "Shit…" Iori was thinking. "You fucking kidding me?" The buyer was none other than Yashiro Nanakase. "Hey, now I know where you live, you piece of shit. I'll get a piece of you later. Where's the fucking guitar? I have the 50 bucks, you fucking cunt ass bitch." Iori looked over to the other side of the porch. Yashiro looked, and then looked back at Iori. "Here's your stinking 50 bucks. I wiped my ass with it." He threw the two twenties and a ten at Iori, grabbed the guitar, and left. Iori shrugged and went back in the house. "I should've fought that asshole," Iori muttered. "Next time, I'll be more careful about putting my fucking name in a post." He started to make himself a sandwich. "He'll be back. I'll cut his nuts off."

Kasumi felt weird wearing nightlife clothes. She was wearing a black tube dress that Mai got for her on her birthday, with a small open blouse over it, her hair was done, and she wore some makeup. She was still confused what was going on. She had people staring at her at McDonald's when two people she knew approached her from behind. "DAMN." Eiji flat out interjected. Kasumi blushed. "I didn't realize how big your ass was." SLAP! "Fuck off, Eiji!!!" Kasumi shouted with Eiji rubbing his cheek. "Shit…". Malin chuckled. "You do look pretty hot." Kasumi interrupted, "Okay, what's going on?" Eiji looked at the clock. "Okay, so in the email, Ryo is meeting you at the Illusion, you're Kassie." Kasumi tore her eyes through Malin. Then she stopped. "The Illusion??" Malin nodded. "Yeah, why?" Kasumi facepalmed and muttered "stupid" many times. "What?" Malin was trying to figure out. Eiji was now confused. "My friends, Mai and King, work at the Illusion." Eiji shrugged. "So? At least they can witness Ryo getting killed." Malin stomped on Eiji's foot. "Er, getting pwned." Kasumi shook her head. "No, no, no, no, NO!!! Eiji, you're a dumbass!! YOU should know this! King is ASSOCIATED with Ryo. If she sees me in there WITH Ryo, shit's going down." Eiji's jaw dropped. "Shit, you're right. I can't take on King. You can though." Malin frowned. "Then, there's Mai…" Eiji was angry. "I'm pissed. Thanks a lot, Malin. We planned ourselves a trap." Malin didn't like to be the subject of blame. "I told you we should've just knocked on their door and just kicked their asses." The ninja continued. Kasumi straightened her blouse. "Great….I feel weird," Kasumi was saying as old men were staring at her. "Let's…go."

At the Illusion….

"Kassie wanted to meet me here??" Ryo cautiously thought. "What would King think?" Then he started thinking. "Wait, I think King's off today. Alright, here goes nothing."

Mai, however, was working. She spotted him. "Ryo, hey," she called out, waving. Ryo looked up, hoping she would go to other tables. Nope, she started running her mouth. "Oh my gawd, Ryo. I had to deal with pigs today, and I'm actually wearing a shirt." Ryo tried to ignore her, when so called "Kassie" walks in after getting her ID checked. Ryo was thinking, "hey, is that her? She looks kind of familiar." Mai looked up and saw her. "Kasumi!! Hey, you sexy bitch!" Kasumi gulped. Ryo's jaw dropped. He put two and two together. Kassie. Kasumi. Kassie. Kasumi. The Queen of Counter was Kassie! "Okay, KASSIE," Ryo bellowed, and angry at the fact he was duped. "You want a fight??" Kasumi stormed up to him and just about got in his face screaming, "This wasn't my FUCKING idea!!!" Mai pushed her friend back. "Kasumi, we TALKED about this. Leave Ryo ALONE." Kasumi was glaring for quite some time. "You do look hot though," he quipped. Kasumi tried not to be flattered. "Well, I can't fucking fight you in this dress, because, you know." Mai was sighing. "Kasumi…" Ryo smugly smiled with arms crossed. "Then take it off." Kasumi growled and was ready to hit him when Eiji and Malin ran in. Malin was stopped by someone. "ID?" The bouncer knew the girl was underage. The teenager stamped her foot, and turned to exit. She had to wait outside. Eiji threw his debit card at Ryo, who ducked and it hit the wall. "I should've known!!" Ryo angrily snarled. He prepared himself, knocking over the table. "Kasumi, you came here to fight, so come on." Kasumi pointed towards her lower region. "I can't…my stuff…everyone will see my undies." Eiji came forward. "I'll fight you, Ryo. Kasumi's a pansy." Kasumi got really angry. "No I'm not!! Okay, you fucking bastard!!! Let's go!!! I'll counter all your moves and reclaim dignity for Todoh!!!" She threw the first punch and Ryo fought her. Eiji and Mai sat down in chairs as Ryo and Kasumi fought, and chairs and tables were getting knocked over. Eiji looked at Mai slyly. "Soooo….I notice that we're both…. _ninjas_…" he flirted. Mai huffed. "Believe me, I've heard that line before."

An hour later, Ryo came home with all of his clothes and hair messed up. He was extremely tired but was smiling. Yuri and Robert obviously had been occupied with their time, since Robert wasn't wearing a shirt, and Yuri was wearing an oversized shirt, and her hair was all over her face. They both appeared to be very sweaty. Luckily, Takuma was on a business trip to promote the dojo, or else he would have Mr. Karate lecture them about safe sex. "Looks like someone had quite a night," Robert chuckled. Ryo laughed along with him. "You could say that." They all laughed in unison.


End file.
